beautiful blessings

I've mentioned in some recent posts that I feel fulfilled!  Right now life is busy and my kids are keeping me on my toes.  I thought I was content with just the 5 of us...

Funny how you get comfortable in life...and WHAM!

However, deep down when I thought of the future my heart ached for more.  I pictured my family bigger than this.  I want my children to cherish the relationships they'll have with their siblings and I see myself visiting my children and grandchildren and it didn't seem quite complete.
But, I really don't have a choice in the matter.  So I put it out of my head and have been happy and grateful that we have the three adorable and amazing children that we do have!
I feel immensely blessed for that alone.

Landon and I kind of succumbed to the fact that THIS WAS IT!  This family of 5 is all we would be, but that it was enough!  We can't apply for adoption through our church agency because the rule is 2 kids or less.  And other agencies are twice as much money!  So unless something fell in our laps, or I had a miraculous conception, this truly WAS IT.
I've been selling baby items and have given a bunch away.  I talked myself into it.

Well...something fell in our laps!
And much sooner than I imagined or dreamed.

Through a connection to our birth mom's already, a young and brave girl has chosen us to parent her baby.  The thought of saying no, never entered my mind.  How could we?  What a beautiful blessing and incredible surprise.

What a shock we've been feeling.  Another baby.  So soon. 

But it feels so right.  It feels good.  As chaotic as it will be, and as nervous as I am, I just can't wait!  I love newborns.  I've felt for a long time that another boy would/could be in our family.
And when I even think now of what our baby is going to be, coming in 6 months, I just keep thinking it's a boy!!  But then I forget we haven't found out the sex yet!
I'm so nervous to find out if my heart has been carrying this truth that my head just tried to ignore.  In less than a month we'll found out the sex of the baby and we are on pins and needles.

I get to attend the ultrasound with the birth mom.  Last night I started crying as I texted my sister that I get the opportunity to go!  How blessed I feel to be a part of this process.  I've never been to an ultrasound for my children and this will be so special for me!

We have abundant blessings pouring out upon us.  I sometimes sit and ask myself why I am so fortunate.  I hope I always remember these feelings and carry gratitude in my heart for these little blessings of mine.  Being a mother is the hardest thing I have EVER done and some days I want to pull my hair out, but I KNOW I am supposed to be the mother of these angels and I love the incredible story each of them have about coming to our family.  I know God is in the details of my life and is creating the family we are supposed to be!