he warmed my heart

Tonight Tanner asked me out of the blue what I am thankful for,

and I pointed at him!

I asked him what he was thankful for and he said

Heavenly Father and his birthmom!

(i was kind of caught off guard, but oh my.

such a perfect answer. so so so sweet)

To delve further into his thoughts

I asked him what he was thankful for about his birthmom?...

his reply...

That she gave me to you!!

I couldn't agree more. I love that boy sooooooo much!!!

(and we so love his birthmom)

I love Halloween!!

apple bites with almond slivers

brain cupcakes

carrot fingers with cream cheese and almonds

string cheese and green pepper fingernails

edible eyeball carrots with cream cheese and olives

A celebration to remember!!

Here is the birthday girl in all her glory! We had a fun family celebration for Kambrie.

She was the queen on her throne of presents and enjoyed a piece of her cake, and ate it too!!

She was ready to be cleaned up by the end...but oh what fun it was to have this little angel to celebrate!! WE LOVE YOU KAMBRIE.

this was always the plan

August 2008. I was sitting in the doctors office on a cold hard metal chair. All alone, the doctor told me we shouldn’t continue with the in-vitro process. It wasn’t likely I could get pregnant…now, or EVER. The tears came effortlessly and wouldn’t stop. I handed the doctor my cell phone and she broke the news to my husband who was hundreds of miles away. We sobbed together as our hearts broke into tiny particles. Our dream of creating a life together was nonexistent. I wanted to have a child with my husband more than anything. I wanted to see what we could create. I wanted a little Landon, or a mini me. I wanted a child in my womb. I wanted it from us.

The pain encapsulated my entire body and the emotions were more than I could handle. I drove all the way back to my parents house with blurred vision, exhausted from the years of thinking my dream really could come true, only to be told today it wouldn’t.

Before the pain could consume my world, rather quickly another experience entered my world and brightened my hope! Where I was lacking, my sister was bountiful. She was willing to use her egg and her body to produce a child for me. This would be the closest I could come to having a biological child. Through the weeks to come, my heart was overjoyed and I felt this was absolutely my answer. Things fell into place and I was preparing to welcome a baby into my arms in 9 months time. But again, our answer turned out to be different than hoped for. After three negative attempts we decided to quit.

At that point in my life I was so fatigued. Both physically and emotionally. Every physical attempt had been made. There was nothing more to try. Our endeavors were through. I felt empty. I had to let go of my dream. I needed a break. I needed diversions, distractions, to evade my reality. I needed to not think.

Landon and I decided to escape our reality for awhile. We were going to just live in the moment. We were going to stop imagining and planning for once, and just exist. We wanted to stop trying to figure out God's plan for us...were more children in the plan for us or not? We weren’t going to think about what process we would start next or what plan of action would guide our future.

Easier said than done. It didn’t last long. A prickling in my heart, and from a whisper in the wind, my mind turned again to adoption. My heart had felt some tugging in that direction for the past year, but I tried to brush it off and focused on wanting to try our own routes first. So now that those attempts were done and the door finally closed, that burning desire crept in stronger than ever and adoption wouldn’t abandon my heart or my mind.

Landon and I were unified and we decided we would once again start the adoption process. After 8 years of infertility and adoption ruling our world with both ups and downs, we were so nervous yet excited to see what possibilities lied in front of us.

Well, adoption was what the Lord gave us. Looking back at the timing, when our hearts were stirred to action was the time that our birth mom had gotten pregnant. Of course we had no idea, but we proceeded to get our paperwork filed in time for her to pick us almost as soon as we submitted them. Before we even recognized our new life we were cuddling a baby in our arms.

And here we are today. Kambrie Summer is one year old. She’s been the star in our sky, the light of our lives, the beat of my heart. What she has brought to our world is unexplainable. We are all utterly and indisputably in love with her. I feel like today is MY birthday!!

I love my family. I’m mad about my husband. I adore my son. I’m crazy about my daughter. Life’s good. I’ve been blessed with angels that have protected my heart. Thank you is not sufficient enough for the gift I’ve been given of being a mother. I owe all I have to my birth mom’s. I wouldn't have this day to celebrate without Lindsay.

I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who personally knows me. He knows what I can handle and He knows what I need in life. He knew I'd have a baby girl in my arms in due time. I just wish I would have known that!!!

Every tear drop was worth it. The waiting game only made me a better and stronger mother for my sweet chubby cherub! I'm so glad I get to be her mommy!! I can't wait to celebrate many more birthdays to come.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAMBRIE!!

I love you more than you'll ever understand.

12 months!!

ONE YEAR OLD.

I can't get over it.

too cute for words

contentment

We (as a human race) are a prideful people.

We often feel entitled to certain things.

I feel safe in making that comment because it's the truth. Point blank.

EVERYTHING we have, or will be given, is our Heavenly Father's.

It's actually not ours. Why do we think we can demand certain things from Him?

It's interesting as I observe other people's lives and decipher their wants and desires. I've witnessed people get angry at the Lord for not giving them

what they want and when they want it.

How utterly selfish. Who are we to be so demanding?

If you remember, we are lower than the dust of the earth!

(When the prophets say that we are lower than the dust of the earth, they are merely saying that the dust of the earth obeys the voice of God perfectly and moves when it is commanded to do so. In contrast, man (who is made from the dust of the earth) is not perfectly obedient and often rebels against or rejects the commandments and counsel of God.) -lds.org

Was she really once this small?

I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means, but I can say I've never been angry at the Lord for not granting every desire of my heart. How on earth could I possibly be mad at Him because I can't get pregnant...when all around me I have abundant blessings that have all, ironically, come from Him.

What I guess I'm trying to say is...as I've been reflecting on my life and how it's evolved with thoughts of my son, and especially now my daughter, as she hastily approaches her one year birthday...my heart is full.

Where He taketh, He giveth.

At times I thought He was taking away experiences from me, but what He was taking was the pain that accompanied the loss I felt. We all have a refiners fire to bear, so what He gives us are opportunities to stretch and reach our potential, and He only takes away the relentless ache we often let ourselves needlessly endure. He gives us hope. Through His miraculous grace, He gave me an irreplaceable experience that still produced the outcome my heart always desired.

I'm learning to be content with the Lords timing,

with the Lords blessings,

and with what He chooses to give and to take from me.

He gives and He takes perfectly.

game players

Christal

Katelyn

Amanda

McKenzi D.

Megan H.

Melissa P.

Dawna

This is who I have down for playing my little craft game!!

I'm so excited.

If I missed anyone else let me know.

Okay girls...

get your game on.

You have 4 weeks to get something handmade and sent to my pretty little door step.

When you're ready, shoot me an email and I'll give you my mailing address.

I can't wait! I'll be creating in return. ☺

more mommy

another fun thing my mama taught me was how to make these cute fabric flowers! they are so cute. and so easy. just what i like.

more fun times had were making banana pudding parfaits.

these were delish.

i love this kind of dessert.

this little chef did a great job.

Kam splish splashed and made a big wet mess in the meantime. we had SUCH a great time with Gma/mom.

some other fun events were cheering at Tanner's soccer game, lunch at Baxters with the beautiful Lake view, attending the RS broadcast, naps, morning walk to the lake, sewing sewing and sewing...great times together and memories forever!

♥ ya Gma!

come again.

SOON. real soon.

fun with mama

Laughter is NOT the best medicine. A mother is the best medicine!! My mom is in town for the week and we are having a great time. Things are always fun and better when mama is around. We've been shopping, crafting, sewing, baking, napping, talking, laughing, walking...and loving every second we get to spend with Mom/Grandma! Shopping the outlets. Kam liked shopping at first, then she got a little hostile, and then a little tired. She's NOT the best shopper yet. There's still time to learn! We love waiting for Tanner to get off the bus so he can join in the fun times with us!! Yummy yummy skeleton cupcakes! Tanner loved making these and then eating the skeleton bones :) Mom and I enjoy a quiet relaxing night once the kids are in bed. Ahhhh. Silence is bliss. We were making purses this night!! It was "sew" super duper fun...my mom teaches me new things every day! LOVE my mama. ♥