Irony?

Up until 6 years ago I was oblivious to the adoption process or adoption world.

Adoption was a vanishing thought that came and went in my life…

never once did I stop to think it

WOULD BE MY LIFE.

How ironic my husband’s first job out of college was as an adoption worker.

How ironic I can’t get pregnant.

How ironic that we learned through his experiences about the beauty of adoption.

How ironic we felt prompted that adoption was the route we should pursue.

How ironic that we didn’t even have our adoption process finished when we were selected to be parents.

How ironic our son was waiting for US!

How ironic our beautiful son was born into our family and he fits our molds exactly.

He was absolutely meant to be with us.

How ironic we went years doing fertility treatments with no success, but the minute we felt inspired to pursue adoption again, was the same month our birth mom got pregnant.

How ironic we moved to Missouri and that is where our birth mom is.

How ironic we were picked one month after the paper work was finished.

How ironic.

No. It’s not irony.

It’s God’s miracles.

welcome baby

Kambrie is born!

Last night she inhaled her first breath in this big bad world. Around 8:30 pm her fragile beautiful body made way into existence. Weighing only 5.5 lbs, I'm sure she dazzled the doctor and nurses with her dark brown hair and adorable baby face.

Her birth mom is a hero. She is an angel in our lives. Forever she will be a part of us.

Now I sit on pins and needles waiting to see the baby I've so patiently waited for day after day, month after month, and year after year.

I'll muster the strength to endure just a few more days until I welcome my precious baby into my arms, and into our lives FOREVER!

I LOVE YOU KAMBRIE.

Mama can't wait to pick you up and never let you go.

would you dare?

Would you seriously ever buy this for your baby?

Or. If you were given this as a gift would you actually put it on your baby!!!!?

We're doing skeletons at our house!!

Click here for a cut and paste activity!!

another skeleton

you can also do this with pasta, string or wool, or pipe-cleaners

Gingerbread skeletons. SO CUTE!

other idea's

For more fun craft idea's, if you aren't into skeletons like we are,

click HERE!

Make Halloween super fun for your kids this year.

and be a little more creative than me

2 years ago

Share any fun idea's or traditions you do if ya want!

sorta silly

Do any of you shop at Body Central? http://www.bodyc.com/.

I get their magazines in the mail, and I think I've order from there before. They actually have pretty cute stuff at reasonable prices.

Anyways, EVERY time I browse through the catalog I get jealous of HER. She is their main model and I just think she is SO pretty!!! I LOVE her hair, she's skinny, has a great body, her features are perfect, she looks cute in every outfit and I just really envy her. I know. Am I weird. I don't care about celebrities that much, and I am married and 100% heterosexual...but I just think she's gorgeous!

So. Please tell me I'm not the only one with a...hmmmmm... I'll call it "catalog crush."

Is there a certain model that you like!?

And I don't mean in the same-sex attraction kind of way...ya know what I mean!

dum da dum dum gum

Okay you peeps that guessed GUM was the similarity in our pictures, you are right. We LOVE gum around our house, and how lovely it is when it's hanging out of our mouths in pictures.

Classy. That's how we do it round here.

Anyways, Caiti you were the first to respond, so guess what you get!?

GUM!

I will send you some of my favorite packs of gum!!!!!

Just email me your address girl.

Thanks for playing yall.

I promise I still want to do a give-away that I said I would do last month. ugh. Life gets in the way. Heaven help me if I can survive these next 4 weeks :)

you might win if...

You can find the similarity in both pictures!!

KOHL's kitchen aid deal

IF you have a Kohl's credit card AND you want a kitchen aid mixer...check out this fabulous deal: HERE

the calm before the storm

actually it's the storm before the calm...

journaled emotions

I wondered if I would live in pain the rest of my life.

Wanting.

Hoping.

My dream of creating a child will never end, and my dream to be a mother breathes. It's amazing how sometimes the pain is what makes us live. It's what drives us. I exist in my pain so I can learn from it...and that pain has turned into something intangibly beautiful I can't describe.

I still have fear.

It's constant.

We are vulnerable to a 20 year old who still has the right to change her mind. I have unremitting anxiety. BUT. I have unwavering faith. I know the Lord has held my hand through every single experience of my life, both joyful and despairing. I KNOW He guides me and that I can handle whatever comes my way. Although I despise certain outcomes...I do have the strength to rise above it.

Such faith was especially confirmed to me last year. After 8.5 years of marriage with infertility we finally felt that in-vitro was right. I always had unsettling feelings about it, but this time...this time it felt GOOD!! I remember rejoicing in the car as the thoughts came to me and I called Landon and told him I thought we should proceed with in-vitro.

(Our 4th IUI had previously failed).

I clearly thought this was our answer. FINALLY. It was about dang time! I dreamt of my belly getting round, my ankles sore and swollen, then wondered what eccentric food cravings I would desire.

I had faith that this was our answer (and come to find out it was an answer, just very different than I anticipated). However, through that surge of encouragement resonating, I stopped. I thought to myself:

"Jill, I think I will get pregnant. But..........What if I don't?

CAN I HANDLE IT?"

I asked myself point blank. I immediately burst into tears. I knew the answer and it scared me to death. I didn't want that answer!!!!

I battled intensely with myself. I wanted a baby. A baby to come from my body. I wanted to feel it.

Please.

Was I really going to be asked to deal with MORE anguish.

Seriously? Walk through the fire again? I didn't know if I could handle more ashes...I felt like I was coming to my "4th watch".

Yet, I knew that if it didn't work, despite all the previous heartache we had formerly suffered, despite all the pain that subsisted in my heart, despite every NO we had ALREADY been told, despite every tear that fell from my weary eyes, despite every fiber of my being fighting for a YES...

I knew that if I got a NO...

I COULD handle it.

I had to.

I had no choice.

It was my duty.

Even as I type this now the tears stream down my face.

I trust the Lord. I know He loves me. I know He is attending to my needs and my desires. I know I am not forgotten. I must keep trusting.

And at this point in time I continue to trust. I trust that whatever happens is what's to be.

My trust doesn't take away the pain, but it overrides.

The Lord can work miracles.

I'm sooooo anxiously waiting for Kambrie to join our family. She will be a sweet spirit I can barely stand to tenderly embrace, protect and love. I already love her. I've longingly waited for her and I hope that it's time.

I'm so nervously excited I can't even stand it!!!!

Kambrie doesn't get to grow in my tummy, but she's been growing in my heart much longer than 9 stinkin' months.

In spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from the difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result... Come what may, and love it.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

YWIE

Young Women in Excellence (YWIE) is a church program we have every year for the teenage girls. We talk about the goals they have been working on and what project they did for the year, based on a certain value. Tonight was our program and our theme was:

Shoot for the Stars.

Some thoughts we used were: STARS=Stand Together As Righteous Sisters.

Shoot for the stars

Let your light shine

Heavenly Father is your guiding star...he shines as bright as the sun

Matt 5:14-16...

5:14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

5:15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

We sang "I am like a star shining brightly..."

We decorated with bright shining cardboard stars throughout the room, used some candles for one of the object lessons, and in the back had the tables where the girls could display their projects with little confetti stars all over. (it was quite simple but cute)

My second counselor gave a great talk and then each girl came and shared her testimony and thoughts on why she chose the project she did and what it meant to her. It was a beautiful night!!

They each got a star bowl with treats such as "starburst and milky way's!" Appropriate, right? Also in their bowl were some star glasses so they could wear them and always FOCUS on their goals in life and what is most important.

The spirit was strong and it was super duper fun. We had a fabulous night.

I love this poem my counselor made up for the girls too. She made it as a handout for each of them!

(I forgot to take a pix of the cute star invitations I made too, oh well)

You are a star and a daughter of the King of Kings, You can shine brightly and do amazing things. You can be a beacon for the whole world to see, Focusing on eternal exaltation so in God’s glory you will be. Don’t forget where you came from, remember who you are, Fulfill your earthly mission and become a shining star!

The Gap

I'm drooling.

Totally want this.

For Kambrie.

Isn't it to DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't contain myself. There are WAY TOO MANY tempting baby outfits.

HELP.

And this.

Oh my gosh.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

for entertainment purposes only

I grew up playing soccer. We were "a soccer family!"

My dad often coached our teams.

I played on Strikers, a comp team.

I played on our high school team.

It was a huge part of my life.

Well, now it's time to be part of Tanner's life, and I'm totally stoked for the SOCCER MOM role!

IF IT DOESN'T KILL ME!!!

Holy moly. It's hard not to be "that parent."

I have to bite my tongue when my child is the one soaring like an airplane across the field in the opposite direction of the action. I'll sit on my pride. I'll watch him enjoy his time, and hopefully sometime through this season he'll learn a skill or two.

It's hilarious!!!! I love it.

I just hope he will too.

Right now his complaint is

"I don't think I'll like soccer mom, I have to stand up too long."

Yikes.

INTRODUCING:

Tanner's first soccer practice EVER!

(first real interaction with anything soccer related...I haven't really taught him anything yet)

too super duper cute

drowning in his shin guards

(no I'm not wasting money on cleats yet)

ready to learn!!?? ready for FUN

checking out his new environment

winding up

learning how to obey the coach

contact with the ball

yippee

SUCCESS!

Cannon ball!!!

Tanner took his first ever swim lessons this Summer.

I was anxious to see how he would do. He really does like water and stays in the bath for hours and loves to play in the water whenever we've gone on family trips swimming...but he hates getting his face wet and freaks out whenever his eyes get wet and has to hurry and find a towel to wipe his face dry.

The teacher was so awesome and she had the funnest games to help them learn! She made it FUN to get wet, practice kicking and swimming, and sang fun songs as they swam back and forth through the pool. Tanner wanted to just play with the cup instead of dump the water over his head to get his hair wet... BUT he eventually did it. Here he is trying to submerge himself as well!!

Always a goof...my child is the class clown!

He had a BLAST and by the end of his 9 classes he had advanced tremendously. I WAS SO PROUD!!!!!! He often gets nervous trying something new... but once he takes that first step, he usually ends up loving it! _________________________________________________________________ Here we are at the neighborhood pool we played at tons this Summer. As you can see Tanner now has no fear. He's jumping off the edges, swimming back and forth, FULLY submerging himself under the water, and acting like a seasoned fish in that water!!

What a stud. I hope he conquers the rest of life like this...NO FEAR!

the story

3 weeks ago today I was coming out of Heber Canyon from a family reunion. I got a phone message from Landon that we were to call our social worker because he was inquiring for us to come fill out some paper work. Landon thought it was suspicious, but I thought nothing of it.

After only talking to Landon for one minute

(because my mom's cell phone died, mine had died, and my dad's too!)...

I was left to wonder what on earth Devin (our social worker) needed information on. We had finished our paper work in May!

Luckily my Grandma lived in Heber and we stopped at her house on the way out of town to visit, and there I was able to continue my phone conversation with Landon. He quickly added that Devin was connecting on the line...then Devin proceeded to tell us that he was lying about the paper work and that we had in fact been

selected to adopt!!!!!!

I was NOT expecting to hear such news. I sat in shock for minutes! Was this really true. Devin continued to tell us more information about the situation and tears immediately welled in my eyes and my heart instantly flooded with gratitude.

Was it real? My dreams were going to come true?

My mom was in the background wondering what on earth the conversation could be about, but had an inkling of what it's content was...and tears soon flooded her eyes as I mouthed

"it's a baby!"

We continued to converse and Landon and I shared tears across the phone in realization that our family was about to grow! As we tried to coax more info out of Devin, he told us our birth mom had prepared a package for us with 2 outfits, a letter, ultrasound pictures and a video. She wanted us to hear of our news by getting this package!! But I was in Utah and Landon was at home...2.5 hours away from the office. Landon immediately exclaimed, "I'll leave work right now and come to get it!" Devin happened to be only 1.5 hours away at the time, which made it much more convenient for Landon to travel.

I was so eager to hear if it was going to be a boy or a girl! Thoughts raced to the future imagining what each would be like! How fun it would be to have another little boy. I LOVE boys and we could use everything we had for Tanner again. They would be great buddies. What a blast it would be. Boys are so fun and I have such a special love for Tanner. Then I thought about a girl and how beautiful it would be to have a daughter. A mother-daughter bond is so precious and I knew she would have daddy wrapped around her finger. I've dreamed about having my own little princess to doll up, dress in pink from head to toe, make her all sorts of accessorized bling, and how great it would then be to have both a boy and girl.

I could care less which one it was,

I was just melting at the thought of ANY baby coming to our family.

We coaxed Devin to the extreme so as to hear the answer immediately instead of waiting to pick up the package which gave the clue away in the outfits the birth mom had picked out for us. That minute in waiting to hear was the

longest dang minute

of my life. I thought I was going to pass out with anticipation. And when he finally announced it was a

GIRL

the tears just BURST and I shook uncontrollably while my alligator tears flowed with ease.

I-COULD-NOT-BELIEVE-IT.

A girl. A precious daughter. An angel!

Neither Landon nor I could speak. We were silenced with gratitude.

My Grandma nervously whispered in the background "Is everything okay!!??" still neither my grandmother or parents knowing exactly what was happening!!

Devin continued to tell us about the birth mom and her process of decision making and we instantly wanted to meet her! I was prepared to fly home that night so we could meet her!! Devin thought it would be okay to wait until I returned back home to Missouri in 2 weeks, so we set up our face to face for the day after I flew in.

Which leads to TODAY!

From then until now, these 3 weeks have been breathtaking, reflective, emotional, exciting, nerve wracking, and beautiful!!!

We met our birth mom and the meeting went great! She is vivacious, courageous, beautiful and fun. We are so grateful for her selfless decision to let us raise this child she is bringing into the world! What an honor for us to be chosen. Words can't describe our feelings.

We're still vulnerable until the baby is actually in our arms, but we feel so good about it all!!

Until then, our prayers are for our birth mom.

And I'm off to rummage through boxes of

BABY STUFF!!!!

Oh baby!

It's true, it's true!

It's spreading like wildfire now...

WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!

I've been dreaming of this day for a long time. I've cried myself to sleep so many times wondering if it would ever happen, and now I cry myself to sleep again in gratitude and thankfulness that we get to experience adoption once more and be blessed with a daughter!!!

I can't even explain the emotion I feel in my heart right now. The instant we heard we had been selected immediate gratitude came to my heart. I'm overflowing with it and feel so much thanks to my Heavenly Father for granting the wish of my heart. I always had HOPE that it would happen and trusted in His will for me, but sometimes it was easier to say that then experience it. I knew the Lord would bless us according to our needs, but just what those were I didn't know!

It's apparent now.

We are soooooooooo excited. I can hardly stand it. It feels like a dream. We are praying for our sweet birth mom at this time that she can find the peace and courage to endure this experience. We have so much love for her because she is willing to sacrifice for US!

I've always dreamed of having a daughter, one I could dress in the latest styles with leggings and bows, pink from her head to her toes...

I just can't believe I really get to have it!!!

My baby girl is going to be a reality.

I'm so lucky.

I'm so blessed.

The wait has all been worth it.

Girls only weekend!

(I'm copying some of the words my sister already posted since she took the words right out of my mouth)

This was such a great weekend.

Labor Day weekend is known as Time Out For Women (TOFW) for all us girls in my family.

Four years ago we began a tradition that has been such a blessing, a highlight of the year and a great family bonding opportunity for me and my sisters and Mom.

A couple years ago our family was spread out from Tennessee to Missouri to Wyoming and Utah. Being together was few and far between and with a growing family adult time together was even more sparse. Both Shauna and I have been able to attend a real Time Out for Women put on by Deseret Book...a weekend with just girls, inspiring talks, music, eating and fun to help lift up the weary soul from the daunting tasks we perform as mothers.

Well, we decided to make our own little family TOFW. A weekend kidless, husbandless, full of shopping, seeing the sights and most of all talking and laughing together.

We have visited Jaylynn in Arizona, Shauna in Tennessee, we played in my neck of the woods in Missouri and had one weekend off schedule to attend Women's Conference at BYU. This year it was time to visit the wild west of Wyoming. Josh and Kim worked so hard on countless endless nights to have their house ready, to have their new addition finished so they could have a comfortable place for us to stay this weekend. They were so kind and generous to host and we are so grateful for them!!

This year was such a blessing to be able to all be together. It is getting harder to get together but with this tradition I know we can keep it going and this special weekend will become more special as the years go on as we are able to reconnect, relax and enjoy our sisterly bonds for a few days together once a year. I am so lucky to have the family I do. We have the greatest Mom who is so fun. She is a friend and also a great example of love, dedication, obedience to the gospel and hard work. I love my sisters and it seems like this year we got along the best yet. After only being together for a couple hours on Friday, I was already laughing my head off at dinner. Laughter is the best medicine. And with our dynamics, it's easy to find something to laugh about! :)

I LOVE my family so much! I'm so grateful to have amazing sisters who are such great examples to me and are my best friends. I'm thankful for a fabulous mom who chose to have a family and helped make us who we are!

This weekend we:

*Visited Martin's Cove and walked the path the Pioneers journeyed. It was very special and sacred to learn more about their stories and experiences.

*Ate out

*Went to the movies

*Talked and talked

*Explored Casper city

*Attended church together

*Hiked to a waterfall

*Laughed Lots!

*Shopped till we dropped

*Made totally awesome bead bracelet/watches

*Had way too much fun!!!!!!!!

MARTIN'S COVE

behind us is Devil's Gate

statues of the brave men who carried everyone across the river

The Cove behind us

Hiking out of the cove

THE WATERFALL

SHOPPING!!

buying the same outfits...she bought the zebra shirt too!

sssssupa-star

BRACELET/WATCH BANDS

symmetrical or not symmetrical??

Lovin' the new bling

What a fabulous, super fun, awesome, great weekend!!

GIRLS ROCK

next year is way too far away