I can't get enough

of HIM

He just cracks me up.

I can't imagine my life without him.

I love this crinkle nose smile

He's so

DARN CUTE!!!

I WISH I could remember every second of every moment.

At least my heart makes up in growth for what my brain lacks.

What? You say you'd like to come visit!?

"Yes, I'd love it!

Come right in!!"

"A little farther. Don't be shy."

"What? What's that your whispering?

A little louder please!

Oh yes, you say my kitchen's a mess..."

"and there's clutter all over the counters because there's no where to hide it!?

Why yes.

It's true I tell you."

I know!!

I have a predicament. I collect stacks and I can't keep my counters clean!!!

Please don't tell me I'm the only one with this quandary. It by no means is possible to hide my occasional confusion from humanity, and it in no form or fashion fixes the problem that my kitchen is connected to the living room.

It's a bummer.

I can't be a closet stacker...it's out in the public for all to see!!!

Ugh.

Unlucky me.

But if you're lucky by chance and come on a good day you might see the actual color of my counter top...

ahhhhh. A breath of fresh air.

"Oh. What's that you say?

The fridge?"

"Yup.

That's a separate matter." (yes I think it is tacky to decorate a fridge!)

"Let's discuss your issues now!"

Memorial day memories

Rain. Watermelon. Rain. Friends. Rain. Games. Rain. Fun.

from beach to beach

I got to hang out at this beach today...

it was beautiful and lots of fun

MISSOURI

My husband got to hang out at this beach last week...

ALASKA

This beach is obviously more beautiful, but I don't know if it was as much fun?

Probably.

yummy halibut I can't wait to eat

What beach would you choose?

That was a stupid question.

like black and white

They say opposites attract.

Such is the case with my hubby and I.

He likes his cereal dry, I prefer it all wet and somewhat soggy.

He likes to sleep on TOP of his blankets, I like to sleep under SEVERAL LAYERS of blankets.

He doesn't like broccoli, I LOVE it.

He is detail oriented, organized, careful and cautious...I'm, uh, not so much.

He makes the money, I like to spend it!!!!

But one thing we do agree on...

WE HOPE KRIS ALLEN WINS AMERICAN IDOL!

go kris go

long distance sucks

I really miss my family today.

Why can't we all live in the same cul-de-sac and

borrow eggs from one another,

let our kids run in and out of each other's houses,

and have a massive group sleep over in the back yard every other weekend!!??

Is that really too much to ask?

I can't decide?

I posted about a certain dilemma HERE.

I solved the dilemma, but have created a new one!!

Which color?

I loved this dress but didn't know which size or which color would look best.

So I got both.

But, I don't need two of the same...so which should I keep?

The black is a small and fits better than the pink medium, but I like the pink, color is always fun!!...however black is always safe...so

WHAT DO I DO?

(Oh, and please ignore the hideous hair.

We were gone all day and my bangs were hashed so I bobby pinned them back and pretended my hair looked okay enough to take a pix..)

Please tell me which looks better...and you can't say BOTH!

thank you thank you thank you

My heart is overflowing with gratitude. Since our announcement of hoping to adopt, people have come out of the wood works. Family, friends and even strangers exclaiming

Excitement for us!

Dedication in helping us!

Concern for us!

Loyalty to us!

Prayers offered in behalf of us!

Thank you so much. It is through all of this that miracles are wrought. The burning in my bosom continues to confirm that this process is what we're supposed to be doing. Adoption is an experience all in it's own...

and although I'll always long to know what it's like to feel

the sensation of popcorn popping from tiny legs kicking into my ribs,

bladder compression causing me to pee more than I already constantly do,

or heartburn that develops because my beautiful growing baby inside of me is overtaking my abdominal cavity and pushing the stomach acids back up into my esophagus...

I'm so thankful to be part of a different miracle itself.

Adoption is as much a miracle as birth, or maybe even more so when you think of everyone involved coming from a place of often insufferable choices. Such peace, joy and hope can be found because hope is brought into focus through the lens of unselfishness.

As much as I feel left out of the world because I don't have the experience of giving birth, I feel unfortunate for the part of the world that is left out of the experience of adoption!!

To see and experience first hand the workings of miracles through our Heavenly Father is the most undeniable spiritual experience. To see His hand in every step of the way is an inexpressible event, a for sure testimony builder. To know that your baby found his or her way into your home from a distant place is without a doubt a working of the Lord. To take that infant in your arms into the house of the Lord and experience a glimpse of eternity in the temple together secures your knowledge that God does have a plan for each of us and it does come to pass.

As you hunger and fight for something with all intensity of your soul, it means that much more to you when you achieve it. Experiencing concentrated pain and sorrow through infertility only makes the joy and happiness of adoption that much sweeter!

Love does not need a bloodline to survive.

Adoption is a marvel from the Lord.

Excitement in the air!!!!

Today we drove to St Louis to wrap up our third and final meeting with our adoption worker.

YES!

That's what I said.

We are applying for adoption again!!!!!!

Recap: Last year we had 5 failed insemination's, failed in-vitro and 3 failed surrogacies.

We were tapped out emotionally, financially, physically...and before the Holiday's approached we decided to take a break from our infertility woes.

Well, the Holiday's came and went. It felt good to just relax and for ONCE not stress, think, or have a plan of action. We just existed.

Of course, no miraculous pregnancy occurred, and as the new year commenced we got the itch for things again.

Can ya blame us!!??

It's in our blood.

We're fighters.

We've dealt with years of planning and years of waiting and despite all the heartache and let down we still have HOPE and PEACE because we HAVE experienced a miracle and know it can happen again.

We know that pain is part of the process for us, but the shining truth is...

IT'S WORTH IT!

We want to adopt again and these past few months we've felt it's the path we should traverse.

*We spent our tax return on the adoption fee before we even got it.

*We filled out the tedious amounts of paperwork and put in our hours of study.

*We've met the requirements.

*We've been on our knees in humble prayer.

How long does it take to surrender one's dreams in favor of God's will?

Through our flight we've developed steadfast faith in the journey. Adoption is our dream and we have gratitude beyond expression for such a gift given.

We've softened our hearts and willingly opened them in vulnerability once again, ready to face unbearable fear and haunting doubts interspersed with glimpses of

HOPE!

Although there are no guarantees, there is one possibility that

every conceivable outcome of our journey CAN be envisioned!

Adoption is the most beautiful miracle.

So much love exudes from adoption. It's pure and true because none of the people involved are as concerned about themselves as they are for one precious baby. In one unparallelled moment the miracle occurs.

Do all children who come to this earthly home get to feel such overwhelming love?

Next week our profiles will be submitted, we will be "live" on-line and our profiles "in the books!" Now the searching and waiting begins!!

We must be pro-active in this process now. We have to, in a sense, "advertise" ourselves. This can be an awkward occurrence, and it's hard to envision we have "competition"...but I know that the Lord works miracles and if there is another baby that is supposed to come to our family, s/he will. We just have to put the process in motion!

WE NEED YOU!

Tanner's adoption occurred through spiritual attunement of people who were willing to advocate for us. They were the missing links we couldn't provide for ourselves. This time YOU could be the link that connects our family puzzle. We ask that all of our family and friends at this time PLEASE think of us, mention us in conversation with YOUR friends and family because chances are you or they WILL KNOW of a potential birth mother that could be carrying our child!

Talk about us at the movies, talk about us at dinner, talk about us anytime!!!!!

This is the time we want gossip to spread like WILDFIRE!

We are excited, anxious and so grateful! We pray that our Heavenly Father will guide us through this process. We know that He is in control and with Him all things are possible!

(We are going through LDS Family Services. If any of you know of a potential birth mother you can contact us and we will give you the contact info for her to go through our agency!)

A celebration for today!

5 years ago I was sitting in our social workers office at LDS Family Services in Ogden. Landon and I had arrived enthused and ready to wrap up our final parenting class that night!

(somehow adoptive parents are inept and have to take parenting classes, lame-o)

Landon and I decided adoption was the route for our family to commence!

We were done with all the tedious paper work, paid the fee's, and after this meeting we would be ready to

"hit the books" aka make our profile live.

We were

SO EXCITED!

It all felt so right.

We had formerly told family and friends of our decision to adopt and hoped they would spread the word. Well, they did just that.

My dad initiated the link that brought our miracle to pass.

We never entered the books or the on-line profiles.

That evening changed the rest of our lives!

Paul, our worker, sat us down on the couch while Landon and I had no inhibitions or second thoughts as to what he might be inquiring. He sat in silence as he proceeded to hand us an

8 1/2 x 11 sheet of blue paper that imprinted exactly this:

_________________________________________________

CONGRATULATIONS!

BABY "BOY"

KIRK

Due......................

AUGUST 29th, 2004

with much love,

Randi

____________________________________

My heart skipped a beat and the tears immediately surged from my eyes. I looked at Landon as he just sat in utter shock.

It was real! This baby was actually going to be OURS.

We were going to be parents.

My heart still flutters and my emotions still raw, in the thoughts of that inexpressible moment.

My life was forever altered, and I am forever changed by one single moment in time.

Our birth mother gave us the gift of life.

I get to celebrate tomorrow, only because of her. But I need no presents.

I've already been given the greatest gift of all!!!

I don't need to be celebrated tomorrow, but my birth mother

(and every birth mother)

should definitely be celebrated TODAY!

Happy Birth Mother's Day.

I'll forever love you, my angel without wings.

You're a part of the greatest love I know and I am reminded of you every day as I look into my sons eyes.

Thank you for giving me the gift of life and allowing me to be a

mother.

mommy moments

One child definitely has it's benefits.

I could go on and on.

But.

It can be also be challenging.

I don't have the reassurance of knowing each day a brother or sister will come home from school to play and interact with him. Dad is often around in the morning for some family time, or for a quick game of tackle at night, but for a solid 10 hours a day it is only ME for his sole entertaining purposes.

*There's only so much of Batman that I like to play.

*Sword fights often lead to my fingers being smashed.

*Crashing trucks into each other isn't my ideal style of fun!

*Searching for a pirate treasure that is never going to be found is sometimes exhausting.

However...

I love watching my little angel exude so much enthusiasm and excitement over the little things.

*His imagination is never ending.

*His creativity is inborn.

*His sweet demeanor is precious.

*He yearns to have my attention and I'm thankful I can give it.

I love my mommy moments with him. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

"In terms of your happiness, in terms of the matters that make you proud or sad, nothing—I repeat, nothing—will have so profound an effect on you as the way your children turn out."

– President Gordon B. Hinckley

I

CHOSE

to be a mother.

I don't have the luxury of having children and planning my future like the majority of the world.

My family's existence lies in the fate of someone else.

I have to fight for my family!

I won't give up.

We've triumphed already and hope to again.

I waited and waited (and continue waiting) for the chance to be a mother and it's something I don't take lightly. I will bask in each moment I have with my son and I will give everything within my power to provide for every single need he has. I will do all I can to make sure he turns out to be a man of nobility.

*It's my job

*It's my duty

*It's my responsibility

*It's my honor

*It's my choice!

I'm grateful I can spend my full time job AT HOME. There's no place I'd rather be.

On the days I'm burnt out of captain Jack I'll be sure to thank my Heavenly Father in my prayers that night that I had so many fabulous mommy moments and that my son craves to play with me, trusts me and loves me!!!

How lucky am I.

MOMMY MOMENTS GALORE.

Now for those of you who have the opposite problem of me and struggle to find the time for

mommy moments,

maybe this little idea will help!

link HERE

The link above has a fun idea. The focus is to have a Mommy Moment, which is our divine destiny of Women and Mothers. Take a moment with your children to focus on some kind of teaching moment or just some nurturing, togetherness time!

You won't regret it.

Hopefully you realize you BOTH need it :)

Happy mommy moments to you!

Contest rules, wanna join!!??

If you want to hear more about the competition I just did, check out Biffy's blog HERE.

Biffy was the leader of our pack!

She explains how we just did it all...and we are going to do it again!

Yep. It's true :)

There are 2 options.

They are pretty much the same, but one has money involved!! I NEED external motivation :)

Check it out and either comment on my blog or Biffy's if you want to join in the fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't be shy.

BRING IT ON!

These are some goofy pictures...before I realized it in the first photo, Tanner had my camera and was holding down the button for some rapid shots so I posed some silly angles for him as he was laughing his head off! This was also just a few weeks into the contest and I had already lost 5 lbs.

And this will be my continued

reality.

Life is good.